There is a lot going on with me right now. I’m preparing for an upcoming move that is two weeks away (which I haven’t begun to pack for, eek!!) this entails selling old furniture to craigslist hopefuls and scouring home furniture stores for a new sofa, chairs, coffee table, and headboard among other things. Did I mention that I’m also hosting a last minute pool party BBQ with friends, attending birthday parties, kicking off new projects at work, and that I just joined Toastmasters, a public speaking club? Phew..I’m tired just typing that. Oh, and I have pms right now, which comes with weepiness and INSANE chocolate cravings, but that’s besides the point.
I’ve been rather frantic these past couple of weeks trying to figure out everything with my living situation, as it was only very recently (we’re talking days) that I found a new place to call home for now. I am moving twenty minutes away to another town, and although I am very familiar with the locale, it’s a change nonetheless and change is hard sometimes.
I have always thought myself pretty adaptable and was thus surprised by how much I was stressing about my move. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic about where I was going to live. What if I don’t like my new place? What if traffic is horrendous and I can’t stand the commute? What if I don’t like my neighbors? What am I going to do without a superstore Whole Foods five minutes away??? Okay,the last one is a little silly.
My intuition had told me that it was time to move, that I’ve outgrown my apartment and local city, but part of me did not want to let go of a place that I’ve called home for the past five years. Sometimes we cling to a situation, a person, a job that no longer serves us but we do so because it is comfortable.
I’m also going through a lot of changes energetically, letting go old patterns and beliefs, and ways of seeing myself. This too can bring up ‘stuff.’ One area specifically has to do with being seen and shining my light.
I’m friendly and talkative, and generally perceived as outgoing, but I’m really a shy person deep down and don’t like a lot of attention. I also have a hard time in the spotlight and would prefer it to be on someone else, which is why I have an aversion for public speaking. And that is exactly why I’ve signed up (albeit reluctantly) for Toastmasters. In order to transform, we must challenge ourselves to try new things that push us out of our comfort zone. I’m trying to follow Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice – do one thing that scares you each day.
Rather than resist change, I finally told myself that I’m just going to go with it. I pictured myself picking up a surf board and riding the waves. I was going to go with the flow, even if I didn’t know where that wave would take me.